Debt

Debt is bad. Avoid debt!

Debt

DEBT!!

Attention all those in debt, or those seeking to avoid it. The National Department of Debt Relief is creating a comprehensive list of all known weapons of cash destruction. These are serious dangers which must be avoided under all circumstances. Should you find yourself at the mercy of one of the items mentioned on the list, seek immediate debt help. And remember, debt is a condition, not a lifestyle. Make the right choices and avoid debt permanently. Godspeed, fellow Americans, godspeed.

The following weapons of cash destruction have been officially confirmed as a dangerous source of debt:

Kia automobiles, highway-side strip clubs, robo-vacuums, laundry detergent, pet rocks, small jet airplanes, desk fans, electronics made by imitation discount brands, the garden claw, chinese checkers, lawn ornaments, Subway restaurants, all Microsoft Products, records by Creed, most computers, those talking fish that go on your wall, the "Segway", Ginsu knives, season tickets to the Cleveland Indians, season tickets to the Cleveland Browns, plane tickets to Cleveland, plane tickets to any place near Cleveland, pictures of Grover Cleveland, pictures of Grover Washington, pictures of a guy names Washington Cleveland - should such a person exist, those little sweaters that you put on dogs, ironic shirts sold at Abercrombie and Fitch, imitation Pop Tarts, Exxon Gasoline, Mobil Gasoline, any gasoline, Taco Bell, automatic bread makers, tickets to see Clay Aiken, tickets to see Justin Guarini, copies of Tiger Beat magazine, the new Britney Spears record, the new Bobby Brown record, most Vanilla Ice Records, any movie featuring Sylvester Stallone, and movie featuring Frank Stallone, any movie featuring anyone related to the Stallone family, any movie featuring Emilio Estevez, anything done by Scott Baio except for Charles in Charge, any CD recorded by David Hasselhoff, any television show starring David Hasselhoff except for Knight Rider, the thighmaster, one of those 'best of rock and roll' collections sold by Ringo Starr at 4:30 in the morning, most reality television, anything featuring Vin Diesel, anything not featuring Mr. T., any late night talk show not starring Conan O'Brien, anything featuring Pauly Shore and/or Carrot Top, anything that Carrot Top was even rumored to have been involved in, Limp Bizkit, .... to be continued.

Those are just some of the millions of things that can lead you into a state of deadly debt. We will update the list in the very near future, as well as provide more information on debt settlement.